Self-Image Lesson

Since we have "living" in the hospital now, the TV has once again become entertainment and a horrible way to fill the days. Little C is attached the IV pole, so our usual trips to the library and downstairs aren't really feasible. I, of course, am going stir crazy. It's funny how my husband just adapts and doesn't even think about leaving and is totally fine hanging out in our little 20 x 20 room. Not me, I need fresh air. All that to get to my newest revelation. There was a "What not to wear" Marathon on TLC. I love that show. One reason I love it because they use real people to makeover. Not everyone who comes on the show is a size 4 or even a size 10. There are people who are pear shaped, people with big boobs, short people, tall people, people who have never felt beautiful. REAL people! Not the Heidi Montags of the world. I also love Stacy & Clinton. They have a wonderful way of saying what we are all thinking. I love to dream of being on that show without showing the world my current style or lack of. I need a private "What not to wear". I was into my 7th episode for the day, when I had one of those moments. A moment that I am going to adopt and do my best to make changes accordingly. Clinton said to this lady who was dressing way, way too "hochie mama" in her own words. Let's just say, you might think she was a "working girl" if you saw her on the street. She had just lost her job and was wanting to start her own foundation to help abused women.  Clinton was of course trying to convince her that the way she was dressing wasn't a good reflection of who she was. He said to her- "the way you look & dress tells people how you want to be treated". Gee- I wonder what my gray knit pants & flip flops say about me? I am educated, very capable, pretty well spoken and have completely stopped caring what I look like. When Little C was born- from that moment on, it was all about him, not me. No more time for shopping and pedicures. No time to fix hair or put on makeup. I like to think people who know me realize that I have given all that up to care for my child. But what about people who don't know me. People in the grocery store. I can't bear to think what they would say if they were ask to describe me. I certainly don't want to toot my own horn, but I used to be pretty, maybe even beautiful. I look back at pictures and hardly recognize that gal. I think to myself, she is pretty, I would love to look like that. I also chuckle thinking, I didn't know how good I had it. Another part of my "moment" was when Clinton started talking about this lady's children. What do they think about her? What does Little C think about me? Instead of being embarassed of me, will he instead think- "she was taking care of me and didn't have time for herself"? What values does that teach him? Maybe it teaches him that because he is sick and special, he too shouldn't take care of himself. NOT the lesson I want him to have.
SO- today is February 1st. I didn't make any resolutions this year, but changes are in order. I am going to commit to making a new me. Commit to being better. I can't say I am going to lose the 60 pounds I have gained since Little C was born, but maybe I can commit to eating better and taking a walk everyday. So I started with my face- Makeup today. The doctor even commented that I looked nice today. Funny. I want to try and make sure I have makeup on everyday. Then my next step will my hair. I haven't had my hair cut in 2 1/2 years. I cut it short right after Little C was born and have been "pony-tailing" it since. Now it's so long, I have to loop it and wrap it. It's time for a new do! Money is tight, so I will have find a frugal option, but I AM WORTH IT!!! I want to be a better mom and part of that is the image I put in front of my son. I have to do this or I am going completely lose who I am and who I want to be. I want to be a mom who boast self confidence and beauty, inner & out! I also have to mention, the Miss America pre-show came on right after and I had to laugh at that! I don't need to be a beauty queen, just better!