Lesson about being "that mom"

I think when you become a mom a sense of protection blossoms inside. But what about when you are thrown into an unknown world. A world full of people who have more education than you. A world full of doctors. I will admit, before Little C, I thought doctors had magical powers. They wear white coats and have lots of people following them around seeking their knowledge. When you become the mom of a "special" kid, there are two options. You either continue your belief that doctors walk on water or you become "that mom". A mom who questions, ask, challenges and even walks away all in the best interest of your child. I chose to become "that mom" pretty quickly in our journey. I don't really like to be told what to do anyway, so the transition wasn't too hard. I have been faced with many tough decisions for him. We even transferred hospitals 3 times seeking the best solutions for Little C. Everytime, a lesson learned and progress made. All to get us where we are now. I can't claim to be the Christian I need to be, but I know God has a plan for us and everytime we choose a path, it is the path already laid for us. I have learned that trusting and following directions are 2 very different things. I am for the most part a trusting person, except when it comes to Little C. I learned quickly not to just take someone's word for it. Big C and I have become research nuts and question-aholics. Some docs love us for it, some hate us. There is something about the "M.D." behind someone's name that makes it hard to push back. I have a reputation, good or bad for being "that mom". I would say 60% of the time it's helpful and 40% of the time it is frowned upon. I think being educated was the one thing I had control of when Little C was in the NICU. I saw parents come in, hold their baby and leave. Never even speaking with the doc. Our doc would come in and have a seat. Bring his coffee in. And now we have come to a fork in the road with Little C's care. A huge decision has to be made. For the first time in a long time, I am unsure. Being "that mom", also means taking responsibilty for the decisions you force them to make. This is a big decision. I think maybe even bigger than I can emotionally deal with right now. I have been crying a lot this week. I am always emotional, but this week has been really hard. My husband hates when I go back and forth, changing my mind. Most of the time when I make up my mind, it's done. This time there is just so much at stake. I have been praying for guidance for the right answer. I know the right answer will come. I am just glad to know tomorrow, I will get to be "that mom" again. A gift I will cherish each day.